June 28, 2026
Elevator Music
Why did Dad hum in the elevator? He wanted to lift everyone’s spirits!
Past daily jokes
Past Daily Jokes
Browse previous jokes of the day from Daily Joke, catch up on missed daily laughs.
June 27, 2026
Balcony Commentary Gone Too Far
A couple wants to have sex but their son is in the house. The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie ” with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities…
“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he shouted.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
“An ambulance just drove by!”
“Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out.
“Matt’s riding a new bike!”
“Looks like the Sanders are moving!”
“Jason is on his skate board!”
After a few moments he announced… “The Coopers are having sex. Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out…”How do you know they’re having sex?” “Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.”
June 26, 2026
The Silent Treatment Backfires
A husband and wife had been arguing, and they both decided to give each other the silent treatment. Two days later, the husband realized he needed his wife to wake him up at 5 a.m. for an early flight. Too proud to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper:
“Please wake me up at 5.”
The next morning, he woke up at 9 a.m. — furious.
On his nightstand was another note:
“It’s 5. Wake up.”
June 25, 2026
Fruit Flies Like a Banana
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
June 24, 2026
Grow a Pear
My neighbour told me he was scared to plant an apple tree…
I told him to grow a pear.
June 23, 2026
Following the Horoscope
My wife reads her horoscope every morning.
Yesterday she said, “It says today I should avoid arguments.”
I smiled and said, “Good idea.”
She glared and said, “Don’t tell me what to do.”
June 22, 2026
Humble Equal Sign
Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
June 21, 2026
Piano by Ear
I used to play piano by ear, now I use my hands.
June 20, 2026
Chuck Norris and Death
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago
it just took Death until today to build up the courage to tell him.
June 19, 2026
Programmer Meditation
Why did the programmer meditate? To find inner loops!
June 18, 2026
What Jet Lag Really Means
Jet lag is just your body’s way of saying,
“You shouldn’t have left the couch.”
June 17, 2026
The Missing Suitcase Problem
A man arrives at the airport baggage claim, but his suitcase never shows up. He goes to the counter and complains.
The clerk says, “Don’t worry, sir, we’re professionals. Your bag will be found and delivered to your home within 48 hours.”
The man says, “That’s great, but I live here.”
June 16, 2026
Why the Bicycle Fell Over
Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
June 15, 2026
The Anniversary Dinner and the Mistress
A husband and wife are celebrating their 30th anniversary at a quiet romantic restaurant when a beautiful young woman walks up to their table, kisses the husband deeply on the lips, and says, "See you tomorrow, babe," before strolling out.
The wife is absolutely furious. She slams her glass down and screams, "Who the fuck was that?!"
The husband calmly takes a sip of his wine and says, "Relax, honey. That’s my mistress."
"Mistress?!" the wife shreks. "That is it! I want a divorce, I'm taking the house, the kids, and half of everything you own!"
The husband shrugs. "Fine, if that's what you want. But remember, if we divorce, that means no more shopping trips to Paris, no more summer villa in Tuscany, no more Infiniti in the driveway, and no more country club membership. The choice is yours."
Just then, they look across the restaurant and see a mutual friend of theirs sitting with a stunning brunette.
The wife narrows her eyes and asks, "Isn't that Richard over there? Who is he with?"
The husband nods. "Oh, that's his mistress."
The wife takes a long sip of her champagne, looks back at her husband, and says, "Well... I must say, ours is much prettier."
June 14, 2026
Olive Giggle Knock Knock Joke
Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive to make you giggle!
June 13, 2026
Dog Loses His Bike
My dog used to chase people on bikes a lot.
It got so bad that finally I had to take his bike away.
June 12, 2026
Pampered Cow
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
June 11, 2026
Spell Who Knock Knock Joke
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W-H-O.
June 10, 2026
One for the Road
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
June 9, 2026
Alzheimer’s Diagnosis Twist Joke
Mr. Smith is at the doctor. The doctor says, "I have bad news, you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's." Mr. Smith thinks for a moment and says, "well at least I don't have cancer."
June 8, 2026
The Shared Playlist Compromise
Our shared playlist is 50 percent romance and 50 percent negotiation.
June 7, 2026
The Beach Towel Escape
Why did the beach towel run away? It didn’t want to be taken for granted!
June 6, 2026
Olive You Knock Knock Joke
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you and I miss you!
June 5, 2026
Eyebrow Surprise
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
June 4, 2026
Thirsty Pony
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because it was a little horse.
June 3, 2026
Dad's Joke Inheritance
My dad has been telling the same corny jokes for 20 years.
Last week, he looked at me and said, “Son, one day, all these jokes will be yours.”
I said, “That’s the worst inheritance I could imagine.”
He said, “Pun accepted.”
June 2, 2026
Make an Egg Roll
How do you make an egg roll? You push it.
June 1, 2026
Elephant and Camel Talk
An elephant asks a camel, "Why do you have boobs on your back?" Camel replies, "Ha! That’s a funny question coming from an animal with a penis hanging from his face."
May 31, 2026
Little Old Lady Yodel Joke
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Hey, I didn’t know you could yodel!
May 30, 2026
Cows at the Moo-vies
Where do cows go for fun?
To the moo-vies.
May 29, 2026
When It’s Only Wednesday
Nothing ruins a Friday more than realizing it’s only Wednesday.
May 28, 2026
Canada's Loft Apartment
Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.
May 27, 2026
Europe and Asia Break Up
Why did Europe break up with Asia? There were too many borders.
May 26, 2026
The First Sign of Senility
The first sign of senility is loss of memory.
I forget the other two.
May 25, 2026
Poker in the Jungle
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
May 24, 2026
Choosing a Punishment in Hell
Once upon a time, an evil man passed away, and his soul was sent to Hell. When he stood before the Devil, Satan address him thus:
"Sinful mortal, you have arrived in my domain on a most auspicious day. Usually, I judge your sins and sentence you to an appropriate punishment. However, for this day only, I shall give you the choice of your eternal punishment. Choose wisely".
The Devil then lead him down an infinitely long hallway, lined with an equally infinite amount of doors. The Devil opened the door to the first room, which contained numerous souls slowly being flayed. The Devil asked the evil man if he wanted to choose this punishment, which the man declines.
The Devil and the Evil Man continued down the way, looking into every room with equally unimaginable torments as the first. For each one, the Devil asked the man if this would be the punishment he wanted, and in each room, the man declined.
Finally, after an indeterminate amount of time, the Devil and the evil man arrived to the final room. Once inside, the evil man stared in amazement at a pile of feces, the size of a mountain. Scattered amongst the pile sat numerous dammed souls, drinking cups of coffee.
"Well mortal," asked the Devil, "this room is the last one in my domain, and the last which you can willingly accept. If you decline this room, then I shall choose your eternal fate for you". Given this ultimatum, the Evil Man agreed to accept that room as his punishment.
Once the Devil closed and locked the door behind him, the Evil Man climbed up the mountain of dung and poured himself a cup of coffee.
Just as he was putting the cup to his lips, a large and imposing demon, bearing a large, flaming whip barged into the room. With a crack of the whip the demon bellowed:
CRACK "Okay, you shit eaters, time to get back to work; coffee break is over"!
May 23, 2026
Fish Hits a Wall
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall in the river?
“Dam!”
May 22, 2026
Abyss You Knock Knock Joke
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Abyss.
Abyss who?
I miss you too!
May 21, 2026
Pair-a-medics Doctor Joke
What do you call two doctors? Pair-a-medics.
May 20, 2026
The Traffic Misunderstanding
So a guy is sitting at a bar looking dejected. The bartender says, "What's wrong, buddy?"
The guy says, "My wife is divorcing me."
"Why? What happened?"
"Well," says the guy, "my wife said, 'If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.'"
"So?" says the bartender.
And the guys says, "Apparently, 'anything' doesn't include getting stuck in traffic."
May 19, 2026
Smallest Drinks
What state has the smallest drinks? Mini-soda.
May 18, 2026
Fallen Arches
“My son had to give up his career because of fallen arches,” said a man to his friend. “He’s an athlete?” the friend asked. The man shook his head and replied, “An architect.”
May 17, 2026
Lettuce In Knock Knock Joke
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!
May 16, 2026
Kleptomaniac Pun Joke
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
May 15, 2026
The Zoo Gorilla Replacement
A Famous gorilla at a zoo in Denmark died , conseqently the zoo started losing money , for He was a crowd puller.
To make matters worse , they have no natural population of Gorillas in Europe ,so they hired a man to act as a gorilla with a well crafted suit.
He entertained many and the profits were rolling in , one day though as he was performing his antics , He fell into the lion`s enclosure and started screaming for His life ... save me! ... save me! , then the lion slapped him and whispered in His ear stop or we'll both get fired.
May 14, 2026
Lobster Tale
A man dining at a seafood restaurant asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster …”
May 13, 2026
Family Game Night
We tried to have family game night, but it turned into family argument night.
The rules were simple: no cheating, no yelling, no phones.
By the end, we’d broken all three — and possibly the board.
May 12, 2026
The “Sex Machine” Compliment
My wife thinks I’m a sex machine.
She refers to me as a “fucking tool”!
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