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Travel, Maps, and Places Jokes

Funny travel jokes, geography jokes, map jokes, airport humor, country jokes, and place-based punchlines for readers who like jokes with a destination.

12 jokes

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Travel, Maps, and Places Jokes brings together jokes that fit the same reading mood, with direct links back to the full joke pages and related categories.

Canada's Loft Apartment

Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.

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Map and Globe Break Up

Why did the map break up with the globe? It found someone more grounded.

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GPS and Relationships

I asked my GPS for directions. It said, 'Turn left at your last relationship.'

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Geographers Never Lost

Why don’t geographers get lost? They always have a sense of direction.

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Smallest Drinks

What state has the smallest drinks? Mini-soda.

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South Pole Downhill

If you go to the South Pole, it’s all downhill from there.

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Italian Chef Pasta Way

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.

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Euro-English Plan

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

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The Priest at Customs

A very elegant lady was flying in from Switzerland when she found herself seated next to a kindly old priest.

“Excuse me, Father,” she whispered, “may I ask a huge favor?”

“Of course, my child. What troubles you?”

“I bought this ultra-expensive hair removal device, but I’ve gone way over the duty-free limit. I’m terrified they’ll confiscate it at customs! Could you possibly hide it under your cassock?”

The priest raised an eyebrow. “I suppose I could… but you must understand - I cannot tell a lie.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Father. You have such an honest face, I’m sure no one will ask you a thing!”

Reluctantly, he tucked the gadget into the folds of his robe.

At customs, the officer asked, “Do you have anything to declare, Father?”

The priest replied calmly, “From the top of my head to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The officer squinted. “And from your waist down?”

The priest hesitated, then said, “I have a miraculous instrument designed to be used on women... but which has never been used.”

The customs officer blinked... then burst out laughing and waved him right through.

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Dinosaur Homework

Why didn’t the dinosaur finish history homework? Because it was extinct!

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Poker in the Jungle

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

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Rivers Know the Way

Why do rivers always know where to go? They follow their current path.

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