🐶 Animal Jokes

What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy?
A sturgeon.

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall in the river?
“Dam!”

A farmer buys a young rooster to replace his old one.

The young rooster struts in and says, “All these hens are mine now, old man.”

The old rooster smirks, “Maybe so… but tradition says the new rooster must prove himself. We wrestle, and whoever mounts the other in a compromising way wins. The winner takes the hens.”

The young rooster laughs, “Easy.”

They lock up in the dirt. The old rooster pretends to struggle, then lets the young one flip him and mount him.

Just then the farmer walks out, sees the young rooster on top, shakes his head, raises his shotgun and fires.

“Damn,” he mutters, “that’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this year.”

Why don’t elephants use computers?
They’re afraid of the mouse.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks.

Where do cows go for fun?
To the moo-vies.

Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.

How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.

Why did the dog sit in the shade?
Because he didn’t want to be a hot dog.

What’s a cat’s favorite color?
Purr-ple.

Why did the salamander go to Hollywood?
To make newt movies!

Why don’t anteaters ever get sick?
Their anty-bodies keep them healthy.