When Even Your Calendar Says No
I asked my calendar for a date and it sayd “I don’t think you’re ready for that kind of commitment.”
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Latest 10 jokes
These are the newest jokes added to Daily Joke, sorted from newest to oldest using the latest imported build data.
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The Bragging Contest With No Winner
Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”
Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”
Last guy chuckles, “I have you all beat. I fucked over all the website visitors who were expecting a punchline to this joke.”
🤪 Silly Jokes
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Backwards Stereo Types
Asked my son what he learned in school today. He said “Gay men like ynoS. Lesbians favour ahamaY, and transgender people prefer esoB.
I knelt down and put my hand on his shoulder and said “Son, those are just backwards stereo types.”
👨 Dad Jokes
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The Doctor’s Orange Mystery
Guy goes to the doctor, says, "Doc! Doc! You gotta help me! My damn dick turned bright orange!"
The doctors says, "Really? Oh my, I've never heard of that before. Let's take a look."
So the man drops his pants and underwear, and sure enough the doctor sees the brightest, orangest penis he's ever seen.
"Hm," says the doctor, "do you now or have you ever by any chance worked in a dye factory?"
"Nah, never done that for work" the man replies.
"Well," the doctor continues, "do you work with any dangerous chemicals?"
"Nope, sounds too scary, wouldn't do that either" says the man.
Stumped, the doctor then asks, "Ok, do you work with radioactive materials then?"
"No, Doc, you don't get it!" the man retorts, "This can't be work related, gotta be something else! I've been unemployed for months now, all I do is sit around the house eating Cheetos and watching porn!"
🔞 Adult Jokes
- Daily Joke
Johnny’s Daily Walk
Every day Johnny walks by the same group of prostitutes on his way to school. Every day they say "Hello" and wave their pinky fingers at him.
One day Johnny stops and asks, "Why do you always wave your pinky fingers at me?" One replies "Because that's how big we think your penis is."
The next day as he's walking to school, and the women say hello, waving their pinkies. Johnny turns to them, puts his fingers in his mouth and stretches it as wide as it will go, while saying "Hi ladies!"
🔞 Adult Jokes
- Daily Joke
The Train Compartment Agreement
A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.
🔞 Adult Jokes
- Daily Joke
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The Park Bench Incident
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them. One old lady immediately had a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.
🔞 Adult Jokes
- Daily Joke
The Nun in a Wheelchair
"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile."
🔞 Adult Jokes
- Daily Joke
The Bedroom Comeback
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying on the bed reading a book.
He says: "This is the pig I fuck when you have a headache."
She says: " I think you'll find that's actually a sheep under your arm."
He says: " I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
🔞 Adult Jokes
- Daily Joke
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