🍺 Bar Jokes Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “If I show you a wild trick, will you give me a free drink?”

The bartender shrugs, “Sure, why not?”

The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out… a tiny rat. Then out of the other pocket, he pulls a teeny-tiny piano.

The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and starts playing the blues like a rodent Ray Charles.

Stunned, the bartender pours him a free drink.

After finishing it, the guy says, “Now, if I show you an even better trick, do I drink free all night?”

“Buddy, if you can top that, you’re drinking on me till closing,” the bartender replies.

The man pulls the rat and piano out again, and this time reaches into his coat and pulls out… a small bullfrog

The frog clears his throat and starts belting out soulful blues lyrics. The rat’s playing, the frog’s singing — the bar is dead silent in awe.

Suddenly, a man rushes up and says, “I’ll give you $10,000 for that frog!”

The guy says, “Nope, not for sale.”

“$25,000!”

“Nope.”

“$50,000! Cash!”

“Deal.”

The bartender’s jaw drops. “Are you CRAZY? That frog was a gold mine! Why’d you sell him?”

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, 'How much for a beer?'
The bartender replies, 'For you? No charge!'

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, 'Why the long face?'

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don’t serve food here."

A termite walks into a bar and asks, 'Is the bartender here?'

An infinity walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don’t serve your type here."

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

A man walks into a bar and says, "That’s going to leave a mark."

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers, please."

A bear walks into a bar and says: 'Can I have a... Coke?' The bartender asks, 'What's with the big pause?' The bear replies, 'I don't know. I was born with them.'

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, 'You can stay, but don’t start anything.'

A man orders an invisible drink at the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don’t serve spirits you can’t see!"

Why don’t vampires drink at happy hour? Because the stakes are too high!