Ancient Egyptians and Free Speech
Ancient Egyptians didn’t believe in free speech.
Everything was written in cursive.
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Historian Breaks Up with the Calendar
Why did the historian break up with the calendar?
Too many dates.
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What Jet Lag Really Means
Jet lag is just your body’s way of saying,
“You shouldn’t have left the couch.”
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Travel Dreams vs Reality
I love to travel, but my wallet is strictly a homebody.
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Breaking Up With GPS
I finally told my GPS I needed some space.
Now we’re not on the same route anymore.
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Why Maps Always Lose at Poker
Why don’t maps ever win at poker?
They always fold.
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The Suitcase With Emotional Baggage
I told my suitcase we’re not going on vacation this year.
Now it’s dealing with emotional baggage.
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Learn from Dad's Mistakes
My dad always wanted us to learn from his mistakes…
So he started having kids.
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Family Is Like Fudge
Family is like fudge — mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
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You Can Be Anything
My mom said, “You can be anything you want!”
So I became a disappointment.
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Flamingo Impression
My family told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.
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Peace and Quiet While Cooking
I told my kids I wanted a little peace and quiet while I cooked dinner.
So they took the batteries out of the smoke detector.
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What Marriage Really Teaches
Marriage teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding, perseverance…
And a lot of words you never thought you’d use in arguments.
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Behind Every Successful Man
Behind every successful man, there’s a surprised mother-in-law.
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The Perfect Compromise
My husband and I always compromise.
I admit I’m wrong, and he agrees with me.
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