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The Train Compartment Agreement

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

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The Park Bench Incident

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them. One old lady immediately had a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.

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The Nun in a Wheelchair

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile."

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The Bedroom Comeback

A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying on the bed reading a book.

He says: "This is the pig I fuck when you have a headache."

She says: " I think you'll find that's actually a sheep under your arm."

He says: " I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

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The Dinosaur Name Question

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickallotofpuss

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Calling the Fire Department

Lady calls the fire department, says her house is on fire. Fire dept says

"How do we get there?"

She says

"How about that big red fuckin truck you drive all over the place?"

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The Late-Night Encounter Twist

A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.

They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman.

“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”