Whose Mother?
“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” Helen’s brow furrowed, and she replied, “I thought she was your mother.”
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Fourth Time for Ice Cream
At a party, a woman admonished her husband, saying, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” He shrugged and answered, “Why should it? I keep telling them it’s for you.”
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Left Side Amputated
Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now.
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Fish in a Tank
What did one fish in a tank say to the other fish in the tank? 'Do you know how to drive this thing?'
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Hire a Horse
How do you hire a horse? Stand it on a ladder.
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Hippo vs Zippo
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter.
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Save Time
Why did the man bring his watch to the bank? He wanted to save time.
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No Body Nose
What do you call a nose without a body? No body nose.
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Make an Egg Roll
How do you make an egg roll? You push it.
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Nice Belt
What did 0 say to 8? 'Nice belt.'
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Lunch Is on Me
What did one plate say to the other? 'Lunch is on me!'
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Days Are Numbered
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
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Outstanding Scarecrow
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
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Piano by Ear
I used to play piano by ear, now I use my hands.
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Penguin Builds a House
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
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