The Dog With No Nose
My dog's got no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
- MR ANONYMOUS
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Blonde Telegraph
A blonde and a redhead need a bull for $500. Redhead sends telegram "comfortable" → Blonde reads: "Come for ta bull."
- Daily Joke
Thanksgiving Misunderstanding
On Thanksgiving, a boy hears parents curse. He asks what words mean, then welcomes guests: "Welcome bitches and bastards! Dad is rubbing sh*t on his face and mom is f*cking the turkey."
- Daily Joke
Christmas Tattoo Surprise
On Christmas Eve, a woman got tattoos: "Merry Christmas" on one leg, "Happy New Year" on the other. She says: "Now you can’t complain there’s nothing to eat between Christmas and New Years!"
- Daily Joke
Johnny’s Logic in Class
Teacher: "Three ducks on a fence, shoot one, how many left?" Johnny: "None, they flew away." Teacher: "No, two, but I like your thinking." Then: "Three women with ice cream, which is married?" Johnny: "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking."
- Daily Joke
Can February March?
Can February march? No, but April may.
- Daily Joke
Monkey Cinema Trip
A boy walks with a monkey. Policeman: "Take that monkey to the zoo." Next day: same monkey, same policeman. Boy: "I did! Today I’m taking him to the cinema."
- Daily Joke
Bird That Can’t Fly
Teacher: "Name a bird with wings but can’t fly." Student: "A dead bird, sir."
- Daily Joke
Horse Merry-Go-Round
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right is a sharp drop, left is an elephant. In front is another horse, behind is a lion. What must you do? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!
- Daily Joke
Elephant and Camel Talk
An elephant asks a camel, "Why do you have boobs on your back?" Camel replies, "Ha! That’s a funny question coming from an animal with a penis hanging from his face."
- Daily Joke
Gorilla Rescue
A man sees a gorilla in his tree. Animal control comes with ladder, pit bull, and shotgun. The shotgun is explained: "Oh, that’s for you in case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."
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Penguins Movie Trip
A man takes 10 penguins from a broken truck to the zoo. Later, he takes them to a movie instead. Truck driver asks: "Weren’t you supposed to take them to the zoo?" Man: "I did, and then had extra money so I took them to see a movie."
- Daily Joke
Clarence the Parrot
A burglar hears "Jesus is watching you" in a house. He finds a parrot: "Was it you?" Parrot: "Yes." Burglar: "What’s your name?" Parrot: "Clarence." Burglar: "Who named you that?" Parrot: "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesus."
- Daily Joke
Lion Turns Christian
Two guys are chased by a starving lion. One prays: "Turn this lion into a Christian." They look back and see the lion kneeling, praying: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
- Daily Joke
Cows with Names
There are five cows on a farm, one mama cow and four baby calves. The first three ask about their names: Rose, Lily, Daisy. The last baby says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" Mama cow: "Shut up, Cinderblock."
- Daily Joke
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